Hey there, apologies for my extended absence, I guess I’ve been busy with A levels; coursework, exams, general bollocks, you know the drill. Anyway, this weekend I started looking at Universities, as I do now and then when I have a random burst of positivity and productiveness, and after ordering a few more prospectuses to add to my collection I started thinking about the future, including where I’d be living. From this, I’ve come to a conclusion – guilt is a bitch.
I’m in a ‘Staying Put’ placement currently, and for anyone currently in the care system you’ll probably know what that means, for everyone else I’ll give you a quick explanation. Essentially, I’m in foster care, however because I’m now 18 a few things change, such as the money I get and who’s paying my foster carers for the room I’m staying in – in essence I’m now a lodger. Anyway, that means that my Dad is now living alone since my Mum died, and I only see him once a week. Recently I’ve just been feeling guiltier about that whole situation though. I love my Dad, of course I do, but I just hate going over there and the whole atmosphere of the house without my Mum, so I’ve been putting it off as much as I can. Of course my Dad tells me how much my visits cheer him up and how much he looks forward to having someone to talk to, but unbeknown to him, I just feel worse.
So, say I go to university next year, somewhere not so nearby (as is my plan) then I’ll be away for months on end and he’ll be on his own for all that time. I guess I’ll come home for holidays but I won’t have my ‘placement’ to go back to assuming someone new moves in, so I’ll be spending the whole holiday with my Dad…and to be honest I don’t know which part of the whole situation terrifies me more.
I haven’t even begun to think about being worried about the whole idea of actually going to uni yet…..ah fuck.